Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
