I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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