Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
