TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
