MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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