Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
