she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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