why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
