So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am available for nakedness
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
