That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
