I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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