im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
