We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
