I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
