It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
