i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize