Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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