There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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