i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
