Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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