You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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