ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
