he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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