it hurts more in the daytime
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
