Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize