Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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