I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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