He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
