I'm so fucking centered right now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
