she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
