Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
