I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize