I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
