cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
