Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
