Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
