Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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