remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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