I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
