I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i permit you to call me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
