i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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