your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
