it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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