STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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