I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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