Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
