so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
