if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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