So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
