First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
