you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
