2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
