i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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