I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
