I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
