I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
