I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You are a booty call, not a friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
