she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize