Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
