I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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