It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
