dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
