Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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