so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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