Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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