What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
