Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
