i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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