im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
