just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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