You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude i'm inner monologue high
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
